you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
