she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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