Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
