Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize