took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
