I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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