Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
