pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
