I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
