dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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