Where did you get a picture of my penis
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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