i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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