Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
