I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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