I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your cock deserves a montage
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
