you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
