I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They have beer where we have blood.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
