i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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