I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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