i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
