guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize