so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
