chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
