Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize