Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
