what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
