the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
