the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Someone signed my nipple.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
