mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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