Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
