Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
