Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize