Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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