I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You pole danced in your parka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
