I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
