I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
