i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
as a side note pls kill me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
