can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
