I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize