Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize