hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
