she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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