he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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