I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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