She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
