So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
