whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have already put on my inside pants.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
wow bdsm is so cute
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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