OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
