I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
