Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
