What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
