I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
