The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize