im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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