Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
