She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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