His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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