I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
