Pants 0. Shit 1.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
