They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
