My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
