dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
