just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
