i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
