Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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